Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Shopping for a rug...

People often wonder (well, actually only one person has) what I will do with the blog name should I turn into the crazy cat lady and get a few dozen more felines. That is an excellent question;  one for which I have no answer at present. But you can be sure I will write about it when I do. 

Meanwhile, since the number of cats has not changed in our household as of my last post, I thought I'd take you out on the town with us as we shop for a rug.  Many of you may recall an earlier post  I wrote, about an exciting day in my life when Steve and I went shopping for a snail (Snail Shopping).  That is about to be surpassed as I share the captivating highlights of our latest adventure. 

First of all, our criteria for just about anything we buy is not like most people.  Take our recent excursion for getting a rug.  Do we want something that will match the sofa, or coordinate in general with the decor in the room?  No, of course not.  We want something that blends well with Hill Prescription Feline CD Diet dry food, after it has been eaten and then vomited.  I guess we're kind of limited to something in the mustard tones, which certainly has worked well for the past 25 years of cat ownership.  But I am tired of it and a change would be nice.  And carrying around a sample of cat vomit while we shop is just not the same as a fabric swatch from a pillow or the sofa.  Do you know how many purses I have had to throw out over the years because I forgot to put the vomit swatch back in its plastic baggie?  Honestly, is nothing ever simple?

I had a brilliant idea however, thinking if we could custom colour our cat food how that could make millions of people happy.  "I'd like to place an order for cat food, tinted to specifications for Sherwin Williams #1211, "Compelling Blue".  Can you imagine the global excitement if this were to come about? Colour-coordinated cat vomit!  Steve refers to that as a first world problem.  I say it's just plain sensible and knows no economic limitations.

Since that has not been invented yet, we were forced to shop in the traditional way, trudging from store to store, looking for something that had enough pattern to camouflage the vomit stains.  If it was busy enough, with only a hint of mustard tones, maybe we could venture down another path with the type of rug.  But then that would not go with anything else in the house, and next thing you know we'd have to buy new sofas (again!) and change out all the mats in our framed pictures.

Finally we got to one store where I spotted a beautiful large rug that made my heart race.  It had blues, a little cream, a bit of pattern and a hint of mustard.  I thought "this is it!"  But when I got up to the rug there was a man standing there, guarding it with his life.  I pretended to look interested in some other rugs nearby, keeping an eye on him all the while.  Finally I realized he was not going to budge so I asked him "Are you by chance guarding that rug so no one else will get it?" 

"Absolutely" he said.  "I have been threatened with divorce if I step away from this rug for even one second before my wife gets back with the store manager."

"Hmmm", I mumbled.  "Let me guess.  You have cats?"  He looked startled and then said, "yes, in fact we have several.  How did you know?"  I opened my purse and showed him our vomit swatch, holding it up next to the rug.  He reached in his pants pocket and pulled out an envelope with his vomit swatch in it.  We commiserated briefly, and then Steve and I left.  We were never going to win that battle.

So, just like before we set out shopping, we continue to remain sans rugs throughout the house.  Fortunately their digested, prescription cat food goes extremely well with our bamboo floors.  But it is hazardous as you can't see it, and both of us have had near death experiences slipping in the cold, slightly chunky slime in the middle of the night while on our way to the bathroom; falling on our knees, wrenching our backs and skidding to the ground as if we had slipped on a banana peel.

I tell you, what's not to love about my life?!  Who wants a nice house when you can have what I have!

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