Sunday, November 20, 2016

Things You Thought You'd Never Hear...

Steve says lately I haven't been catching on to his highbrow humour and it ends up not being funny when he has to explain it to me several times. I tell him "you're going to have to use larger, more sophisticated bait to keep me on that hook.  If it's not funny to begin with you know how quickly my mind moves on to other things".

He rolls his eyes and quickly goes back to his "Puns are Fun" reference book, hoping for a second chance at getting a laugh out of me.  That, I'm sorry to say, is the crux of the problem. Puns are not funny.  Sarcasm is funny.  In fact it is hilarious, and if you were raised in our family, in the North, you were rewarded for your efforts and quickly elevated to the next level.  After all, we had three cousins in Detroit that were our main competition and we had to remain on high alert, ready to out-sarcasm them at any given moment. The rivalry continues today, fifty-odd years later.  And if you ever got your feelings hurt you were out of the game.  Instantly. Damn wuss.  

Exhibit A:  Sarcasm

Now Steve was raised in the South where punnery is an acceptable form of humour.  Don't ask me why as I am still perplexed and trying to understand it (well, not really making that much of an effort these days, truth be known).  But they do have fried okra and candied sweet potatoes which definitely counts for something. 

Exhibit B:  Pun
Anywho, where was I?

Oh yeah, I was actually getting around to sharing more of my "Things You Thought You'd Never Hear" observations.  In fact, at the rate they are accumulating I may assign it a day of the week, like Tuesday.  Every Tuesday I will share with you our half-baked sentences, phrases and mutterings that make absolutely no sense, even if you were there to hear them in person.  Except today is Sunday and already I'm going to break that rule.  But then it will be back to Tuesday.

Those odd statements heard in our household that,  in the moment of being spoken, seem perfectly normal to us.  But when you take those comments out of their environment and put them in a blog, for example, you'll soon join the rest of the people we know in saying "They used to be so nice, so together, so...with it. Really, such a shame..."

Like these, for example...

Me: Steve, do you want your socks on the stove?  Oh, and did you see the power lifters doing their ballet routine?

Steve:  I have this little zit on my nose that's driving me crazy.  Is it very noticeable?
Me:  Not too bad.  I usually have some face powder with me that you could use to minimize it, but I loaned it to my mom on our trip, so it's either in her purse or quite possibly in her refrigerator.  Remind me to check the vegetable drawer next time we're there.

Steve:  By the way, the rugs with all of the vomit on them are out in the garage.

Me: Did you notice that the chia seeds have sprouted in the drain of my sink?

Me:  Do you know if the iPad made it inside from the car last night?
Steve: Yes, it's in my barf bag in the kitchen.

I could go on, but you get the gist of it.  Besides, I've got another story brewing about a brussel sprout that needs some attention before I hit the publish button on that one.  See you soon!

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